Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like Gaston A king pin like Gaston No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating! My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!" Gaston is the best And the rest is all drips
No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston! For there's no one as burly and brawny As you see I've got biceps to spare Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny That's right! And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston I'm espcially good at expectorating! Ptoooie! Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Oh, ahhh, wow! My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating! My what a guy, Gaston!